


Fixation

by juanjoltaire



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Community: makinghugospin, Dysfunctional Relationships, Insomnia, M/M, Power Play, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-28
Updated: 2014-01-28
Packaged: 2018-01-10 08:05:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1157152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juanjoltaire/pseuds/juanjoltaire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Enjolras is digusted that Grantaire smokes. In a rather impulsive decision, he decides to offer himself as a prize if Grantaire can successfully quit smoking. Enjolras tells Grantaire that if he feels the urge to smoke, he should come to him instead to be 'rewarded' for good behavior.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fixation

**Author's Note:**

> This was a kinkfill from makinghugospin...from my own request. I realized I wanted to fill it. I'm not into smoking but the idea struck me as something I wanted to do even so. Mix of fluff, porn, power play, and general exr dysfunction. Modern AU.

Enjolras was in the middle of speaking when he saw Grantaire get up from his chair. He narrowed his eyes coolly as he watched him put the cigarette to his mouth and walk out the back door of the café. Enjolras didn’t miss a beat in his speech, but he was bristling on the inside, his nostrils flaring. Grantaire’s habit disgusted him, and even more so that he didn’t bother to let Enjolras finish before the urge called him outside. Enjolras knew that Grantaire enjoyed watching him speak, but not because of the words that were coming out of his mouth. Grantaire just liked the view, and knowing that smoking was more important to him than what was actually being said made Enjolras burn up inside.

He finished his words and put his hand on Combeferre. “Take over for me, will you? I’ll be right back.” 

“Sure,” Combeferre said distractedly, flipping through some papers.

Enjolras went out the back door and found Grantaire sitting outside in the alley on a crate. He exhaled his smoke and turned his head, shocked to see Enjolras standing there next to him. “En-enjolras?” he asked. 

Enjolras stared down at him, unsure exactly how he wanted to go about this. His heart was beating fast in his chest, his body tense. “Is this so important to you?” he finally asked, his voice unsettlingly quiet. 

“Um, hm?” Grantaire looked up at him with wide eyes, flicking his cigarette nervously. “What?”

“You coming out to smoke, while I’m talking.”

“Oh!” Grantaire swallowed heavily, looking guilty. “Sorry, I…I didn’t think…that it mattered…I didn’t think you cared about what I did.”

“Yes, well… I care. I care a great deal, actually.” Enjolras’s lip was raised in half a snarl. “I’d like you to have some respect for me.”

“Enjolras!” Grantaire protested, saddened. “I respect you, I do. Please… don’t be upset. I won’t do it again.”

“But you see, this happens a lot. And it annoys me every time.”

“Like I said, I won’t do it again…”

“You won’t.” Enjolras agreed. “Tell me something, Grantaire,” he continued, his heart beating faster. “You want me, don’t you?”

Grantaire froze, staring up at him. “Enjolras…”

“You do. It’s okay. I’m not mad about that.” He saw Grantaire looking up at him in stunned fear, and Enjolras allowed himself to soften. “I want to know, how far would you go to have me?”

Grantaire opened his lips, only a slight hint of a noise coming from his throat.

Enjolras sharpened again. “What. Would you do,” he said, his voice commanding.

“Anything,” Grantaire admitted weakly in a whisper.

“Good.” Enjolras stared at him up and down, then reached out his hand and gently took the forgotten cigarette in Grantaire’s fingers between his own. Enjolras steeled himself, and slowly, his eyes still looking down on the cowering man beneath him, he brought Grantaire’s cigarette to his lips. He had never done this before, and he slowly sucked in, feeling the burning smoke filling his lungs and throat. It disgusted him, and he fought the urge to cough, to gag. Instead, with his signature grace and poise, he leaned down toward Grantaire, who was sitting there dumbfounded and staring, and took him by the chin. Grantaire’s lips parted instinctively as Enjolras drew close, their faces level, noses almost touching, and Enjolras gently blew the smoke out into his mouth, letting him breath it in.

Enjolras could feel Grantaire trembling a little against his hand, the smoke in his lungs now. “Enjoy that,” Enjolras purred. “Because it’s the last time.” He crushed the cigarette against the brick wall of the Musain, Grantaire watching with wide eyes as he exhaled their shared smoke back out.

“What?” he asked, overwhelmed.

Enjolras saw the square shape in the pocket of Grantaire’s plaid shirt. He unfastened the snap and pulled out the pack of cigarettes. “Your lighter?” he asked, holding out his hand impatiently.

“I…what are you doing?” 

“Give it to me,” Enjolras snapped.

Grantaire quickly fished in his pocket and found the lighter, setting it in Enjolras’s waiting palm. 

“Thank you.” Enjolras turned on his heel and went a few steps down the alley, tossing the pack and the lighter in the dumpster.

“Hey!” Grantaire yelped, jumping up off the crate. He started towards Enjolras, but Enjolras spun and stopped him in his tracks, grabbing him by the shirt. 

“We just made a deal,” Enjolras growled.

“W-we did?” Grantaire stammered as Enjolras backed him up against the wall.

“Yes. And you won’t say a word about it, do you understand?”

It took a moment for Enjolras’s words to sink in, realization dawning on Grantaire’s face of what the deal even was, before he nodded quickly.

“Good,” Enjolras hissed. “Now you’re going to go back in there. You’re going to stay in your chair until the meeting is over. And then we’re going home together.” He slowly let go of his shirt, then started arranging it, straightening and smoothing it on Grantaire’s form so it lay normally again. “Relax. _Have a drink._ ” Enjolras rolled his eyes, another of Grantaire’s bad habits. “Just don’t get up again.”

Grantaire nodded quickly. 

They slipped quietly back in, Enjolras joining Combeferre and Courfeyrac at the front again. He started to lean in to ask Combeferre where he left off, when Combeferre suddenly pulled away as if stung. “You smell like smoke,” he pointed out, staring at him. Courfeyrac overheard and leaned in, the two of them sniffing at him like dogs. 

“It’s nothing,” Enjolras waved them dismissively away, seething inside. 

When the meeting had ended, Grantaire was still sitting obediently in his chair, staring at Enjolras attentively. Enjolras gave him a directive nod, silently gesturing for him to meet him out front, away from the others. He waited for Grantaire to get up, then slowly followed after, slipping on his jacket. He put up his hood as he came out onto the darkness of the street, spotting Grantaire a little ways down the sidewalk, pacing distractedly. Enjolras caught up to him and kept walking, Grantaire falling in step with him. “Your place,” Enjolras said plainly. He had never been there but he had seen Grantaire walking off in this direction many meetings before. 

“M-mine,” Grantaire agreed. “Alright.” They walked on mostly in silence, Grantaire tugging his arm once at a stoplight to get him to cross in the right direction. Enjolras could tell that Grantaire was nervous, possibly frightened, he had never seen him this quiet before.

“You’ll be fine,” Enjolras begrudgingly offered while they waited at a crosswalk. Grantaire turned to look at him, his eyes still round and wide in disbelief. Enjolras could see him nodding slowly in the corner of his eye. Enjolras realized this was the first time they had been alone together, truly alone. The street was deserted as they neared Grantaire’s apartment. 

He followed him inside the building, up the stairs, waiting patiently as he fished for his keys and unlocked the door. Grantaire flipped on the lights. “So…um….” he began, taking off his coat.

“Trash bag,” Enjolras said.

“Uh…uh okay.” Grantaire went to find one as Enjolras slipped off his jacket, putting it over the sofa in front of him. Grantaire came back with the bag and Enjolras snatched it from him, opening it up. 

“Bring to me any lighters, leftover cigarettes, and ash trays. And don’t pretend like you don’t have any more here.”

“No…I…I won’t,” Grantaire said hesitantly, backing away and going to look for the things he requested. Enjolras was a little surprised to find out that the apartment didn’t smell like smoke, and seeing Grantaire go out to the balcony for the ashtray answered that question. He watched calmly as Grantaire tossed it, some empty lighters, and a half-finished pack into the bag. 

“Is that it?” Enjolras asked, raising an eyebrow skeptically.

“Yes,” Grantaire nodded, his eyebrows drawing together defensively. “I’m not like… smoking 24/7.”

“Alright.” He tied off the trash bag and opened the apartment door. “Trash chute out here?”

“Down the hall.”

“I’ll be right back. Don’t lock me out.” Enjolras left and reached the end of the hallway, opening the door to the trash chute and throwing it down. “Good riddance,” he whispered and it went down, allowing himself a glimmer of happiness. He returned to Grantaire’s apartment, and at first didn’t see Grantaire there at all. But he turned his head and saw him waiting in the bedroom, sitting cross-legged on his bed in the dark. Enjolras smiled a little, pitying him. 

He joined him in the bedroom, standing in front of him and looking down on him as before. “Off,” he said simply.

Grantaire nodded and started pulling off his shirt. Enjolras stifled a laugh. 

“I mean get off the bed. But you can do that too.”

Grantaire was confused, hopping up off the bed and stumbling a little as he was still half occupied in getting his shirt off. While not permeating the apartment, Enjolras still smelled smoke near the bed, where the smell must have clung to the sheets from Grantaire’s body many a night. Enjolras ripped the sheets off the bed, and uncased the pillows. “You have a washing machine?” 

“It’s uh…it’s….” Grantaire was standing there with his balled up shirt in his hands, terribly confused. “The little closet by the kitchen.” 

Enjolras held out his hand for Grantaire’s shirt and took it from him. He made a gesturing nod towards Grantaire’s pants. “Keep going.” He turned and left, finding the laundry closet, sliding the door open and depositing the clothes in the washing machine. He started it up, running the water, putting in soap, and taking his own t-shirt off for good measure, throwing it all in together. He went back to the bedroom, finding Grantaire standing there awkwardly in his boxers, and Grantaire seemed surprised to see him return in just his tight black pants. “All of it,” Enjolras smirked. He was enjoying this now. 

Grantaire nodded and tentatively did so, pulling the boxers down and stepping out of them. It was too dark in the bedroom to see him fully, but Enjolras could make out certain shapes as Grantaire stepped forward to hand him his boxers and pants. “There we go,” Enjolras said soothingly. “Now go brush your teeth and get in the shower.” 

Enjolras turned and left the bedroom, taking the last of the clothes to the washing machine and shutting the lid for the cycle to start. He took off his shoes at the front door, feeling as though he might as well get settled. He was going to stay here for the night, that was for certain. He sat on the back of the couch, listening to the sound of Grantaire brushing his teeth, and when he heard him starting the shower, pulling the curtain closed, he got up. He noticed that Grantaire had left the door to the bathroom half open, probably wondering if Enjolras meant to shower with him. Enjolras pushed open the door curiously.

He noticed that the shower curtain was translucent, and he could see the foggy form of Grantaire, his body turning pink from the steaming water. He could see the dark patch between his legs as he turned a little beneath the water, but Enjolras couldn’t make out much more than color. “Do you have an unopened toothbrush?” Enjolras asked to announce his presence. He saw Grantaire turning toward him. 

“In the cabinet,” he answered back, his voice echoing a little. 

“Mm, thank you.” Enjolras opened the cabinet, finding a packaged toothbrush. “I’ll buy you a new one.” He paused as he was closing the cabinet, seeing orange prescription bottles on the shelf. He wondered what they were for.

“Hey.”

Enjolras turned around to see Grantaire’s face peeking out at him from behind the shower curtain. 

“Don’t get nosy.” 

Enjolras turned red and quickly closed the cabinet, busying himself with opening the toothbrush as Grantaire disappeared behind the curtain again. 

“I’m not popping pills too, if you’re worried about that. It’s my medicine, that’s all.”

“Yes, yes,” Enjolras agreed, starting to brush his teeth, looking at his own blushing cheeks in the foggy mirror. 

“Can I ask you something?” Grantaire asked. 

“Mm.” 

“If you’re so against smoking, why did you…do what you did? When we were out back?”

Enjolras paused, tasting the smoke in his mouth at the reminder of it and brushing his teeth harder. He spat out the toothpaste. “Because,” he started. “I wanted to give you something meaningful, for your last breath. So you won’t want to rewrite that memory, of your final time. The last time you smoked was the first and last time that Enjolras did too. If you start up again, than what I did will mean nothing. Did you enjoy it?”

“…yes,” Grantaire added reluctantly, sounding thoughtful as he washed his hair.

“Good,” Enjolras said, rinsing out his mouth. “If that had gone to waste…” He sighed, shaking his head, putting down the toothbrush. “I’ll be out in the bedroom.”

He went back in, taking off his pants and folding them up carefully, leaving them aside on the floor. He crept over in his boxers to the dresser, opening a drawer and pawing around until he found one of Grantaire’s baggy t-shirts. He sniffed at it, and it smelled clean, like laundry soap. He slipped it over his head and curled up on the bare mattress, waiting for Grantaire. 

He heard the sound of the water shutting off, Grantaire drying his hair. He finally returned to him, holding a towel around his waist, looking tentative as he approached the bed in the darkness. He sat down on the end of it, looking to Enjolras. Enjolras crawled over to him and sat beside him. They were both quiet for a moment.

“Sooo…” Grantaire whispered. “How should we…how do you want to go about this?”

“Grantaire,” Enjolras started gently, putting his hand on Grantaire’s thigh.

Grantaire reached to undo the towel.

“No,” Enjolras corrected him. “Grantaire. I’m not going to have sex with you tonight.”

“You….no?” Grantaire asked, his voice small. 

Enjolras shook his head. “No. Just because I threw out your things doesn’t mean you’ve quit. You have to prove it to me.”

“I do?” he asked mournfully. 

“Yes. I need to know you’re not going to start up again tomorrow, which is why I won’t do it now. I want you to work for it.”

Grantaire let out a soft puppy-like whine and lay down on the bed.

“I know…I know.” Enjolras stroked Grantaire’s bare shoulder gently. “This is how it’s gonna work. Every time you feel like you need to smoke, you come to me instead. Understand?” 

“What will you do?” Grantaire whimpered.

“Oh…things… Things to take your mind off of it.”

Grantaire sat up eagerly. “What if I told you I need to right now?”

“You don’t,” Enjolras laughed. “You just had one a few hours ago. No. Anyway, if you can prove to me you’re done with it, that you’d rather listen to me instead, than you can have all of me.” 

“All of you?”

“All of me.” 

Grantaire was quiet for a moment. “You’re a virgin, right?”

Enjolras felt himself bristling again, but Grantaire interrupted. “No, no…I mean...that’s a lot to offer me just for…quitting. Do you even like me, Enjolras?”

Enjolras blinked back at him slowly in the dark, unsure how to answer the question. “If you don’t want to do this, I can leave.”

“No, I want to. I just…I want to make sure _you_ do. I don’t want to…” Grantaire paused. “I don’t want to be your obligation. We haven’t even…spent time alone, like this before.”

“It’s not so bad,” Enjolras said quietly. He leaned forward and gently stroked Grantaire’s hair, feeling the soft clean curls beneath his hand. “I think I like you when you’re not being boisterous…and rude…and….”

“Oh thaaaank you,” Grantaire said sarcastically. “Stop really, you’re too kind… I guess I should put some pants on then? If we’re not…”

“Yes.”

Grantaire stood and went over to the dresser, dropping the towel and digging around. He put on a pair of a pajama pants and returned to Enjolras, lying down on the mattress, propping his head on his elbow. “You took away my sheets,” he pointed out.

“We’ll just use the blanket.”

“I would offer you some hospitality but it seems you’ve already made yourself at home,” Grantaire said, pinching at Enjolras’s stolen t-shirt. “Are you staying because… you want to supervise me?”

“A little of that, yes. The rest of me is too tired to go home and…wants to spend time with you.” Enjolras heaved a sigh. “I’d like to get to know you a bit better if-“

“If you’re going to be offering me your body? Yes I should say so. Are you afraid I’m going to run off and smoke behind your back?”

“Can I trust you not to do that? Because if I can’t then I should just go home now. I hope you’d have enough respect for me not to treat my virginity with such carelessness.”

Grantaire shook his head. “No….no. I…” He paused, and Enjolras could hear him breathing softly out. “It means a lot to me that you would…offer that to me. I have fantasized many a time over that.” Grantaire’s voice was solemn.

“I thought as much. I suppose it’s better to offer it to someone who really wants it, who’s wanted me for a long time, then to someone who doesn’t care.” Enjolras hadn’t had time to bother about sex and dating, it wasn’t in his agenda. He looked at Grantaire, considering what it would be like to be touched and fucked. He thought he might be repelled a bit, but he wasn't. “Plus…it’s for a good cause.”

“A good- what? Me? Oh my god, you self-righteous little prick.” Grantaire laughed, rolling onto his back on the bed. “Because you’re fixing me? Get over yourself.”

Enjolras felt himself turning red in the dark, glad Grantaire couldn’t see it. “I can leave,” he repeated.

Grantaire stopped laughing and sat up. “No, I don’t want you to go. I’ll do it. Just... make sure you do it because you actually care about me. That’s all.”

Enjolras nodded. “Alright.” He wasn’t sure how he felt about Grantaire, but he did care about his well-being. He lay down on the bed and curled up, his head on one of Grantaire’s pillows. 

Grantaire retrieved the bed cover from off the floor where Enjolras had tossed it aside and pulled it up over them. “Goodnight I guess?” 

“Mhm.”

Enjolras woke sometime in the night, not used to the strange bed. It took him a moment to realize where he was. But the bed was empty. He sat up, looking around for Grantaire. He threw the covers aside and went into the living room, and after a second he spotted him standing out on the balcony. He growled and marched over, sliding open the glass door. “Grantaire,” he said sharply.

Grantaire spun around, surprised. But there was no cigarette in his hands. He looked rather cold in just his pajama bottoms. 

“What are you doing?” Enjolras asked, confused.

“I just...I like being out here, I guess,” he said, looking off at the other buildings. “It’s calming, even if I can’t…”

“Do you wish you were smoking right now?”

“Yes,” Grantaire said, staring off, his eyes narrowing testily at the suggestion.

“…you didn’t wake me.”

“I didn’t want to bother you.”

“I want you to bother me if you’re having trouble.”

“It’s not that bad,” Grantaire said, turning to look at him, but Enjolras could see the stress in his brow. 

“Come inside,” Enjolras urged softly. “Come here.” 

Grantaire stared at him for a moment, then followed him back inside, sliding the door shut behind him. Enjolras led him back to the bedroom, clambering up onto the bed and laying down on his back, holding out his arms to him. Grantaire hesitated, then crawled up onto the bed beside him and lay in those arms, his head on Enjolras’s chest. “You want to cuddle?” Grantaire asked in disbelief.

“My heart isn’t made of stone,” Enjolras said with a soft laugh, putting his hand down gently on Grantaire’s hair. “I cuddle sometimes. Ferre, Courf...” He heard Grantaire make a soft grunt. “Oh, now don’t be jealous ,” Enjolras smiled. “It’s not like anything happens.” He scritched Grantaire’s head, liking the feel of his curls. “I…hope that…I could be a calming presence for you, during this. Though I realize now I might just be stressing you out.” 

“I like you here,” Grantaire replied, his voice distant. “It’s new, though. This attention from you. Let me get used to it.”

“Am I too harsh with you?”

“No…” Grantaire seemed a bit reluctant. “That’s how you are, that’s the person I…” He stopped short with a sigh.

Enjolras didn’t push him, stroking him. “It’s going to be hard at first, I know. But when it’s over you’ll feel good. I’ll make you feel good.” 

Grantaire gave another grunt, squeezing Enjolras around the middle.

“Try to get some sleep,” Enjolras whispered.

Enjolras woke to sunlight streaming in the window. He still felt the heavy body of Grantaire lying against him. He stretched pleasantly and looked down at him, then started at the sight of Grantaire looking up at him with heavy lids, deep circles under his eyes. “Are you alright?”

Grantaire nodded slowly. 

“Couldn’t sleep?” 

“I was really happy,” he said, his voice rough. “About being in your arms. And then my mind wouldn’t let me sleep. I just kept…listening to your heart. It’s mesmerizing.”

Enjolras looked down at him in concern, a soft noise escaping his throat. “Oh, Grantaire...” He sat up, gently shifting Grantaire to the bed. “I’m going to get the sheets in the dryer and then we’ll get you back to bed. I’ll leave you in peace.”

After leaving Grantaire’s apartment, satisfied when he saw him drift to sleep, Enjolras met up with Courfeyrac and Combeferre for lunch. Combeferre seemed unhappy. 

“You’re mad at me,” Enjolras said, putting down his burger. “You’re mad at me because of…yesterday?”

“I am not mad. I’m concerned,” Combeferre said, looking up to meet Enjolras’s eyes. “Were you smoking outside with Grantaire?”

Enjolras sighed. Combeferre the medical student, of course he would be concerned if he thought Enjolras was starting up the habit. “No.” 

“What were you doing?” Courfeyrac asked, eating a fry. Enjolras looked to him, realizing they had already discussed this matter extensively without him.

“I…” He felt nervous with both of them staring. “I kissed Grantaire.” A lie, but it seemed easier to say than telling them the real story. 

Courfeyrac's brows were nearly halfway up his forehead in surprise. “What!?”

“Really? But you…he’s…I thought you said he disgusted you,” Combeferre added.

“I’m going to help him quit smoking. I just…” Now his lie stopped making sense to him. “I just wanted to encourage him.”

“No no no, I know what this is,” Courfeyrac said, pointing at him with a fry. “They say that sometimes your fantasies are the opposite of what you actually want for yourself. So he’s all gross but you’re like turned on by it, aren’t you-”

“No!” Enjolras barked, annoyed. “That’s not it. It’s…incentive.” 

Courfeyrac and Combeferre looked at each other. “That’s fucked up,” Courfeyrac said.

Enjolras opened his mouth to protest, shaking his head.

“What, don’t tell me you’re _actually_ gonna date him if he quits?” Courfeyrac continued.

‘Date’ wasn’t the word Enjolras had in mind. He swallowed, not knowing how to respond, and gave a little shrug. When he just received blank stares, he added, “I spent the night with him last night. Wasn’t so bad….and not. Like. That,” he growled when he noticed their eyes widening. “Look, can we not talk about this? It’s a private thing. I just didn’t want you to worry about me. I’m helping Grantaire. That’s it, that’s all. Moving on.” 

Enjolras noticed the look the two gave each other before they picked their food back up, upset now that he said anything at all. 

The next day, they had another gathering at the Musain. It wasn’t a business meeting this time, more of a get together, everyone drinking save for Enjolras, who was always fine with water. He was seated with Combeferre and Courfeyrac, Courfeyrac getting rather drunk, but Enjolras kept looking curiously around at Grantaire. He was seated a table away with Bossuet and Bahorel, drawing in his sketchbook, sipping from a bottle. He seemed fine. Enjolras was satisfied, turning back to his friends. 

Twenty minutes later though, he heard a snap. He turned his head and noticed Grantaire looking rather startled at his pencil, broken in half. His fingers were shaking a little, and Bahorel took the pencil halves from his hands with a laugh. Enjolras saw the stress creasing Grantaire’s brow again. He willed Grantaire to look to him, to ask for help. _Do you need me, Grantaire?_

As if he had heard, Grantaire slowly looked up meeting Enjolras’s eyes. Enjolras cocked his head toward the back door, asking with a gesture if he wanted to go outside. Grantaire nodded slowly and stood, walking out. Enjolras cautiously followed after a minute.

He found Grantaire pacing the alley. “I just…I’m really agitated right now,” he said, hardly making eye contact with Enjolras. 

“Drink more.” Enjolras thought he’d never say those words to Grantaire. “You’ll relax.”

“No, Enjolras,” he snapped, and Enjolras was taken aback as Grantaire turned to him. There was clearly a fight going on inside him. “Can’t get drunk every time I feel like this.” 

“No,” Enjolras agreed, following him with his eyes, watching him pace. “Yesterday?”

“Yes, last night I got drunk trying to make myself feel better but it didn’t help and I woke up feeling shitty as all….fuck.”

“You should have called me…” Enjolras said softly.

“I don’t have your fucking number!” Grantaire said, walking right up to him. Clearly he had wanted to call Enjolras last night. “I didn’t want to bug anyone else for it either,” he grumbled resuming his pacing again. 

“I’m sorry, I’ll give it to you tonight. You won’t leave without it in your phone,” Enjolras said guiltily. “But…I’m…proud of you, Grantaire. You’re really trying.”

“Oh, fuck you,” he said, stopping again. “Proud of me, you’re just making me do this because it makes you feel better about yourself. Good for you.”

“Hey!” Enjolras snarled. “We don’t have to do this at all, remember? You can walk away and I don’t have to do anything for you.” He grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him up against the wall. Grantaire huffed angrily, his lip curled up, but he didn’t shove him back. “You wanna fuck me, Grantaire?” Enjolras said in a hiss. “Do you?”

Grantaire looked furious, but nodded.

“Alright then, shut up.” Enjolras put his hand to Grantaire’s chin and pulled him into a kiss. Grantaire exhaled against him, shocked, but kissed back, pulling at Enjolras’s lips with desperation. His arms slowly wrapped around Enjolras’s back, holding him tightly to him. Enjolras allowed his tongue into his mouth, letting him take all he wanted, as his hand moved up to run through Grantaire’s curls. 

Grantaire started to relax against him, his anger seeming to abate as he let himself enjoy the kiss, responding to Enjolras’s touch. Enjolras’s fingers gently massaged at his neck, and Grantaire sucked on his lower lip, becoming more affectionate as his energy ran down. Eventually, he stopped for breath, letting his nose rest against Enjolras’s.

“Better?” Enjolras asked softly.

Grantaire nodded, holding him possessively. Enjolras had to admit to himself that he liked it, that he enjoyed being held and kissed so fiercely, feeling Grantaire’s raw need for him. 

“This is what I want,” Enjolras continued, stroking his cheek. “I want you to come to me like this. Get it all out. Use me.”

Grantaire nodded, huffing out a soft laugh. “Okay.” 

“Do you need me to come home with you?” Enjolras asked.

Grantaire shook his head. “It’s video game night. Bahorel’s house. It’s cool. I already told them I’m quitting, so you know. They’d watch out for me too.”

“Good,” Enjolras nodded. “Just checking. Here…” Enjolras felt the shape of Grantaire’s phone pressing into his hip and he pulled it out of his pocket for him. “My number,” he said, typing it in and handing it over. Grantaire called the number to send his. “I lent Ferre my phone for a bit,” Enjolras quickly added. “His ran out of batteries.”

Grantaire smiled and held the phone to his ear. Enjolras heard the sound of Combeferre picking up, a distant ‘hello?’ at the end. “Yes, I’d like to order a pizza.” Grantaire purred, smirking. “A large, hot, sausage-“ 

Enjolras gave him a smack on the shoulder, stealing the phone.

“Grantaire,” Enjolras heard Combeferre say, recognizing Grantaire’s voice. “What are you doing?”

“It’s fine, Ferre… ignore this.” He pressed the end button and tucked the phone back in Grantaire’s pocket, shaking his head. “As if Ferre isn’t weirded out enough.” 

“Sorry. I might be a bit tipsy to be honest,” he said, laughing softly. 

“It’s fine. Let’s go back in.” 

Enjolras didn’t hear from Grantaire later that night, and it wasn’t until the next afternoon that he received a call. “I’m outside,” Grantaire said.

“Excuse me?” Enjolras said, sitting up. His textbook lay on his chest, and he had been napping. “Outside where?”

“Your apartment.”

“A little warning,” he growled, rubbing his eyes. He went over to the front door and pressed the button to buzz him in. “Come upstairs and wait in the hall while I clean up.” Enjolras had thrown some get togethers in his apartment before, so Grantaire had known where to come. Enjolras busied himself, getting some proper clothes on, putting away dishes and making the apartment look a bit more impeccable before opening the door to Grantaire’s guilty face.

“Hi,” he said, waving his fingers a little.

“Hi,” Enjolras said back, trying not to be irritated. “Come in. Are you doing okay?”

“Yea but…I’m just…I need some distraction.”

“Oh?”

“I’m bored and alone and I can’t concentrate at all.”

“Alright well,” Enjolras sighed. “Go sit,” he ordered, pointing to the armchair in the living area. He followed and stood in front, looking down at Grantaire. “Do you actually need me or were you just wanting to mess around?”

Grantaire looked up at him, frowning. “You said last night you wanted me to come to you.”

“I…sorry.” Enjolras lowered his eyes. “I don’t mean to sound like I’m questioning your integrity. I’m more asking about progress, really. Are you really having a problem or did you just want to see me?”

“…Both,” he said after a moment. “I feel a little loopy. It’s not bad, I just don’t know what to do with myself.”

“Alright. It’s okay.” Enjolras sat down to perch on the arm of the chair, putting his bare feet in Grantaire’s lap.

“Were you busy?”

“No, no, just… surprised, that’s all. Wasn’t doing much.”

Grantaire nodded at the textbook on the couch. “You studying? School doesn’t even start for another week.” It was January break, waiting for spring semester.

“Just reading ahead. So I don’t have to do it when things get busy.” He shrugged. “You know how I am. And I’m still getting to know you so… let’s hear it. What do you want?”

“Want?” Grantaire blinked up at him.

“Or rather, what do you need? From me?”

Grantaire blushed. “I don’t know. I just wanted to be with you.”

Enjolras smirked, enjoying Grantaire’s gentle submission. “Did you want to be kissed again?”

Grantaire looked up at him with wide eyes, and there was a pause before he nodded a little, redder still. 

“Did you like that, last night?” Enjolras bit his lip, reveling at looking down on him, right into those big blue eyes. “Did you like pushing your tongue into my mouth?” 

Grantaire couldn’t keep eye contact, and looked away, nodding. Enjolras felt something beneath his foot, and saw that Grantaire was growing hard. He pushed his foot gently against the crotch of his pants, rubbing that swelling arousal with his toes, encouraging him. 

“Do you want me to touch you, Grantaire?”

“Of course,” he managed, breathless.

“Mm. Show it to me.”

Grantaire looked back up at him, a soft “huh?” coming from his lips.

Enjolras’s eyes flicked down to Grantaire’s crotch and back up to his gaze. “Go on. It’s alright.” He lifted his foot off, seeing the shape of the arousal inside his jeans. “I want to see.”

Grantaire looked at him a long moment before leaning back and reaching down, unfastening his pants and drawing the zipper down. He parted the slit in his boxers and slowly drew his cock out, refusing to look at Enjolras as he did so, letting it lay across his lap, pink and hard. 

Enjolras watched, cocking his head as Grantaire pulled it out. It was perfectly shaped, and so aroused, begging for him to touch it. But Grantaire was big, and it made him almost nervous. He chewed his lip and looked away for a moment, wondering if it would fit inside him, if it would hurt.

“Enjolras!” Grantaire whimpered, clearly upset.

“Hm?” He turned back to him quickly.

“You tell me to pull it out and then you don’t say anything? And look away?”

“Ohhh,” Enjolras said soothingly, scooting off the arm of the chair and slinking into his lap, making sure he got a good look at it again. “You’ve got a lovely cock, Grantaire, shhh…” He looked up into Grantaire’s eyes as he put out his fingertips, cautiously touching the head. He had never touched anyone’s cock but his own, and it was so warm and hard beneath his fingers, the skin soft to the touch. He watched Grantaire gasp, his mouth falling open. “It’s just that…I’m not as brave as you think I am,” Enjolras said softly, letting his fingers explore the shape of Grantaire’s cock without looking. “I was a little afraid just now. You’re a big boy… are we sure we can get this inside me?” he asked teasingly.

Grantaire turned redder still. “It’ll fit. We’ll go slow and… and spread you a bit.”

“Quite a bit,” Enjolras nodded, purposely sticking out his lip in a pout, but his playful façade was hiding the fact that he truly was nervous. His fingers trailed up and down Grantaire’s shaft. It felt thick, and he wasn’t sure how comforting something like that would feel inside. He wondered how it compared to his own, and if it was simply that he wasn’t used to touching someone else’s. “Tell me…” he continued, speaking out loud to calm himself in the silence. “How do you want to do it? If… _when_ … we do.”

“Um,” Grantaire gasped, his hips moving faintly to rub his cock against Enjolras’s fingers. “I…”

“You’ll have to come up with something. It’s important to me.”

“I want… I want…” Grantaire swallowed and composed himself. “I want to take you to dinner first.”

Enjolras had not been expecting that. He paused and smiled. “A date?”

Grantaire nodded.

“So sweet of you. I’m glad. And then what?”

“I don’t know,” Grantaire said, his eyes fluttering a little as Enjolras continued stroking him.

“Oh, but you’ve fantasized many a time, you said. Surely you have a favorite.”

“I like the one …where we go camping,” he panted, looking up at the ceiling.

Enjolras couldn’t help but laugh at him. “Oh aren’t you so precious? _Camping,_ really? But no. We’re not doing that in winter.” 

“I know…I just like that one.” Grantaire bit down on his lip, embarrassed. 

“What else do we do in your head? Go swimming, climb mountains? Do we run naked in the woods?” Enjolras laughed at the thought. “Do we-”

He felt Grantaire’s hand close around his wrist, holding him still to keep him from stroking anymore. “Stop,” Grantaire said, looking him in the eye. “You’re being mean.”

Enjolras softened a bit, not expecting him to be so sensitive about it. “Sorry.” He watched as Grantaire tucked away his cock and fastened his pants again, feeling guilty for making fun of him. He settled in Grantaire’s lap, placing his hands lightly on his chest. “Let’s start over. Your place or mine?” he asked softly.

“…mine,” Grantaire said after a moment. “Because… because…” He didn’t seem to know what to say.

“I get it. Bringing me home for your own, that kind of thing.”

Grantaire blushed. “Maybe.” 

“That’s fine. We don’t have to plan it all out. Dinner and back to your place, that’s all I need to know.”

Grantaire nodded quietly.

“I think it’s cute.” Enjolras leaned in and kissed him gently. Grantaire barely responded but Enjolras didn’t mind, pulling back to look at him again, stroking his dark curls. “Your fantasy. Maybe I’ll organize a camping trip sometime for all of us, in the summer, would you like that?”

“Maybe,” he said, shrugging faintly, but Enjolras could tell he was warming up at the suggestion. 

“Can you imagine? Courf’s going to be a mess without the internet.” 

Grantaire laughed a little, a tiny smirk on his lips, and Enjolras was glad to see it. “You asked me what I want,” Grantaire said after a moment. “I…can I stay with you tonight?” He looked hopeful.

“Yes, of course,” Enjolras nodded.

“Without,” Grantaire added quickly, “anymore ridicule.”

Enjolras smiled guiltily. “I will try my very hardest, Grantaire. Do you want to get something to eat?”

Grantaire paused. “I want to cook with you.”

“Another fantasy?”

Grantaire’s lips became thin but Enjolras shook his shoulder a little.

“No, I like it. Let’s find something to make.” He took Grantaire to the kitchen, and together they started throwing together all the spare ingredients Enjolras had into a soup, chopping up vegetables and chicken to toss into the boiling stock. 

Enjolras was slicing an onion when Grantaire gently pushed him aside, seeing the tears forming in his eyes. “Here, let me. I’m not as sensitive.” He saw Grantaire smiling at that, enjoying himself. In fact, Enjolras had never seen Grantaire so naturally happy before, as they cooked, living out a little scene Grantaire must have had in his head all along. 

When they had finished the prep work, simply waiting for the soup to cook, Grantaire picked him up and set him on the counter, holding Enjolras’s legs around him. Surely a part of his fantasy, but Grantaire had failed to realize how much taller Enjolras would be now that he was up on the counter. Enjolras smiled pityingly and leaned down, tilting Grantaire’s face up to let him have his kiss, softer than the night before. 

“I think…” Enjolras said softly against his lips. “That this isn’t part of the deal.” He kissed him again, trying to show him it was alright even so.

Grantaire pulled back a little. “How come?”

“I don’t see you dying for a smoke.”

Grantaire shook his head. “No but… can’t we just kiss?” 

“Oh,” Enjolras said, leaning in again. “Carry on then.” He kissed him once more, but Grantaire stepped back.

“The soup is probably done,” he mumbled. 

They ate together on the couch, the conversation thin, Enjolras having to turn on the tv to help with the quiet. Afterward he turned and saw Grantaire laying back, his head on the couch cushion, looking tired and perhaps sad. “Hey,” Enjolras said softly, touching his leg. “You want to take a bath?”

“A bath? Like you and me together?”

“Sure,” Enjolras shrugged.

“Are you sure I’ve earned it?” Grantaire said with an edge in his voice.

“Grantaire, I just want to help you relax. It’s okay,” Enjolras said, feeling a stab of pain in his chest.

Grantaire agreed, and let Enjolras lead him to the bathroom. Enjolras filled the tub and started tentatively taking off his clothes, checking to make sure Grantaire was stripping too. When he was naked he stood with his back to Grantaire, a little nervous, looking over his shoulder at him. 

“Show me,” Grantaire said, echoing Enjolras’s manner from before.

“I will,” Enjolras said, blushing. “But are you having a nice look at this first?” he asked, wiggling his ass. 

“Yes.”

“Do I live up to your fantasy?”

“I’m still waiting for you to turn around.”

“What if you imagined me differently?” he asked, but Enjolras felt Grantaire’s gentle touch on his back. 

“I’d rather have the reality than the fantasy.”

“Are you sure? I bet you imagine me nicer.” Enjolras held onto Grantaire’s arms as he turned him around. He watched Grantaire, whose eyes were downcast, looking at his body. “Well?”

“Very beautiful…” Grantaire breathed softly. He allowed himself a smile as he looked up at Enjolras. “Very nice.” 

“Thank you,” Enjolras felt his cheeks growing hot. “Just don’t tell everyone what you saw.”

“I won’t.” He let Enjolras go and climbed into the tub. There wasn’t much room for two people though, so Enjolras had to settle in between his legs when he stepped in after him. 

It was quiet again until Grantaire managed to speak up, his voice quiet. “It tasted better.”

“The soup? Better than what?” Enjolras asked, looking at him curiously.

“No, I mean. I could taste better. I suppose. Since I haven’t smoked for the past few days.” He seemed like it was hard for him to admit.

“Good. That’s good, Grantaire. I’m glad. I’m really pr-”

Grantaire pushed his finger to Enjolras’s lips, closing his mouth. “Don’t. Say that word. You’re not a parent.” His voice was deadly serious, and he shook his head.

“No,” Enjolras agreed, shaking his head wide-eyed. He bit his lip, not knowing what to say. “You…you uh…you know what else will taste better?”

“Hm?”

“Your cum.”

Grantaire coughed and stared at him. “Come again?”

Enjolras laughed a little, embarrassed. “Well, you know. Your taste depends on what you consume. So…so…if you smoke or eat a lot of fast food, I’ve heard it’s not so good. But if you eat healthy and all that…it’ll taste…cleaner.” 

“Hmm,” Grantaire grunted a little. 

Enjolras was wondering if he had made him uncomfortable, but he continued, trying to laugh it off. “I mean…you know…at the rate that Bahorel eats from the taco joint, can you imagine what he must taste like?”

Grantaire managed a laugh. “No, no thank you. I wouldn’t find myself tasting Bahorel.”

Enjolras briefly imagined what that would look like and grew quite red. “Have…have you ever fooled around with someone from the group?”

Grantaire looked at him for a moment before nodding. “Yes,” he admitted softly.

Enjolras’s mouth fell open a little. “What? Who? Not Bahorel clearly but….um…Jehan?”

Grantaire shook his head. “Nope.”

“Um…Bossuet?” he asked with a laugh.

“No.”

Enjolras swallowed. “Joly.” Grantaire shook his head and Enjolras started to grow nervous. “Feuilly? If you say Marius I’m going to scream.”

Grantaire laughed. “No and no.”

That left Courfeyrac and Combeferre, and Enjolras was growing pale. “Courf?” 

“Mmm no.”

Enjolras felt his chest hurting, his heart pounding. “Not Ferre,” he whimpered.

“No,” Grantaire said, his mouth curling into a smile.

“Who?” pleaded Enjolras.

Grantaire poked him on the nose. “You forgot this one.”

It took Enjolras a second and then he splashed the bathwater up into Grantaire’s face. “Oh fuck you!”

Grantaire was laughing, sticking out his tongue and pinching at Enjolras’s sides.

“You think you’re so cute, no! You got me all worried!” Enjolras’s heart was still racing. “No more bath,” he growled, standing up. 

“Shower, then?” Grantaire asked, leaning forward and flipping the switch, the water switching from the faucet to the showerhead. The water burst out onto Enjolras, his golden hair falling wet and dripping into his face. 

“HEY!” Enjolras yelped. He tried to get out but Grantaire stood up and held him there under the waterfall, smirking delightedly. 

“Poor little Enjy, our fearless leader,” he said, pushing the wet hair up out of Enjolras’s face. 

“This wasn’t the calming experience it was intended to be,” Enjolras muttered.

“You were the one that got angry, hon.” 

Enjolras’s eyes flashed up at him at the nickname. “Well... you were being a tease.”

“A…me? ” Grantaire shook his head. “Enjolras, Enjolras.” He sighed. “Who was it you would be jealous of, anyway, if I had messed around? Me or them?”

Enjolras turned off the water and wiped away the droplets streaming down his face. “I…both, I guess. I wouldn’t want anyone messing around with you, behind my back. And you with them.”

“Why?” Grantaire pressed, watching as Enjolras got out and found a towel. 

“Because,” Enjolras shrugged. 

“Would you have felt that way before this week?”

Enjolras had to think, and then nodded. 

“Interesting,” Grantaire said, stepping out after him, narrowing his eyes.

Grantaire was quiet for a time, but receptive later that night when Enjolras offered to cuddle with him as they lay on the bed in their boxers. Grantaire spooned up behind him and buried his nose in Enjolras’s hair. “Can I ask you something?” Enjolras said quietly in the dark.

“Yes.”

“I don’t mean to…make you think about it, and this is the only time I’ll ask, but why did you start smoking? It’s not like it’s a secret it’s bad for you.”

“Because of you,” Grantaire said without hesitation.

“Me?” Enjolras said, feeling that same pain in his chest from before. “Grantaire…” He tried to turn his face to look at him, but his nose was right there and they bumped lightly together. “Oof.” He wiggled around to face Grantaire. “Why?”

“Because sometimes it hurt too much to sit there and watch you. I wanted a reason to just…get up and go outside. A break from…thinking about you. The first time when I got up to get away, some other group of people were out there smoking and they let me join them, that’s all. And it helped with the stress. It’s calming.”

“You should have told me…” Enjolras started.

“Told you? Told you what? That I wanted you? Because apparently you already knew that.”

“I…I know…”

“And you’re not a very accessible person. You never looked like you were very happy talking to me.”

“I’m sorry, I really am. I wish I knew you were hurting over me, that’s all.”

He heard Grantaire sigh heavily. 

Enjolras scooted closer, putting his hand to Grantaire’s cheek. “I’m really glad we’re doing this then. If it was my fault that-”

“It’s not your fucking fault, Enjolras,” Grantaire snapped. “I make my own decisions. Try to remember that.”

Enjolras took his hand back and curled up on the bed away from him. “You’re right,” he said softly, hugging his pillow. “…goodnight, then.”

After what could have been several minutes, or several hours, Grantaire spoke up, his voice quiet. “Insomnia.”

“Hm?” Enjolras lifted his head. He had been awake but lying there with tired eyes.

“The medication. In the cabinet. It’s for insomnia. I don’t sleep very well. I get stressed and angry and anxious.”

Enjolras sat up, crawling over to him. “Turn over. Lie on your belly.” 

Grantaire grunted but obliged. Enjolras mounted him, sitting on the backs of Grantaire’s thighs and starting to rub his back, finding the spots of tension and kneading them carefully. “I’m sorry,” he breathed softly. “I know that I’m a cause of your stress. I’m not helping you, am I?”

“I like being around you,” Grantaire sighed, moaning a little when Enjolras touched the back of his neck.

“But I’m not helping.”

“You are… a little. But some of the things you say…”

“I know. I haven’t been sensitive to you, I know. I’ll try harder.” He felt Grantaire arching underneath him, moaning again. “What is it?” he whispered. He moved aside as Grantaire turned over, reaching for his hand and tugging it. He pressed Enjolras’s palm against his boxers, showing him how hard he was inside. “Okay,” Enjolras said soothingly. 

He slipped his fingers inside Grantaire’s waistband and pulled the boxers down enough to draw his cock out. He began stroking him, laying down beside him to kiss him softly as his hand closed around Grantaire’s shaft. He was treating Granatire’s cock just as he would his own, finding the places he liked and giving them extra care, stroking right beneath the head, while Grantaire’s mouth trembled against his own. “Shh…” Enjolras said, nosing him. He felt a drop of precum on his fingers as Grantaire pushed his cock desperately against his hand, begging him for more. 

“You’ve been so good, Grantaire,” he whispered, his hand tightening on his cock. He could feel Grantaire’s pulse within it as it moved through his hand, slick and rock hard. Grantaire gasped and panted, thrusting into his hand, and Enjolras nipped at his lower lip, enjoying the noises of desperation from deep in his throat. “Such a good boy… I want you to come for me. You deserve it.”

Grantaire’s hand was holding onto Enjolras’s waist, and his fingers tensed, digging into Enjolras’s skin.

“Come,” Enjolras ordered.

Grantaire growled in his throat and came, Enjolras holding his hand over the tip of his cock, feeling the warmth rush against his fingers. “There,” Enjolras whispered as Grantaire lay panting. He leaned over for a tissue on the nightstand to clean his hand, then turned back to him, stroking Grantaire’s hair. “I love seeing you like that.”

“I know you do,” Grantaire said, sounding defeated, exhausted.

Enjolras pulled his boxers back up for him and curled up around him. He was glad when he started to hear Grantaire’s breath change to the steady rhythm of sleep.

In the morning, Enjolras was glad to see Grantaire was still sleeping. He slipped from the bed and wrapped himself in his scarlet robe, going off to the kitchen. He mixed up some pancake batter, thinking how nice it would be to feed Grantaire when he woke up. He wondered if Grantaire had a fantasy about that, waking up to a breakfast Enjolras had made for him, and he smiled thinking about it. 

He had a plate of pancakes going, kept warm beneath a paper towel while he cooked up the rest, when he saw Grantaire emerge from the bedroom. “Hi,” Enjolras smiled. “I…I wanted to let you sleep a bit.”

“Yea. Thanks.” Grantaire’s hair was mussed and his eyes were heavy with sleep. 

“I’m making breakfast.”

“I can see that.” Grantaire went back into the bedroom to find his clothes.

Enjolras was setting the table for two, the pancakes laid out when Grantaire returned. Enjolras raised his head and saw Grantaire standing there, awfully close to the front door. “Grantaire?” he asked, feeling a wave of unease.

“I’m gonna head out.”

Enjolras rushed over to him, his hand reaching for Grantaire’s, tugging gently. “No, no, stay just a little.”

“I got…stuff. To do.” Grantaire pulled his hand back.

Enjolras swallowed grimly. “No you don’t.” 

“Fine. Then I don’t feel well. And that’s the truth,” he growled.

Enjolras couldn’t tell him he was wrong. “Do you need to sit down?”

“No, I need some air. And some time to myself.”

“Oh,” Enjolras said shakily. “O-okay.” 

Grantaire reached for the doorknob.

“Wait,” Enjolras touched his shoulder. Grantaire turned, and Enjolras softly kissed him. Grantaire seemed frozen. “Was it alright last night” When I…” He hoped he had done a good job, he thought he had. It had pleasured Grantaire as far as he could tell.

“I don’t know, I guess,” Grantaire sighed, opening the door. “See you later.” He pulled the door shut behind him, leaving Enjolras awestruck.

“What did I do?” he said to the closed door. He wondered if he should run after Grantaire. He was clearly going through something. But he was unhappy, and Enjolras wasn’t helping. He said he wanted time.

Enjolras sat at the table alone and ate his pancakes, staring at the empty place setting beside him.

He spent the day curled up in his robe on the couch, trying to read up in his textbook, but ended up just watching daytime tv, completely dazed. Combeferre called to discuss their next meeting, but he noticed Enjolras’s disengagement. 

“Enj, what’s wrong?”

“It’s… Grantaire. He was really upset this morning. With me, maybe. Or I don’t know. I know people get really irritable with nicotine withdrawal.”

“Did he say anything?”

“Not too much, just enough to indicate he didn’t want me around him. Which is…odd because you know, he enjoys that. I thought.”

“Mm. Enjolras.”

“Yes?”

“I know you. And I know how you are. You said you were helping him. Did you ever ask him if he wanted your help?”

Enjolras opened his mouth but nothing came out. He closed it again, turning red,

“Enj.”

“I don’t know.”

“I think-“

Enjolras’s phone began to vibrate and he held it away. Grantaire was calling in. “I’m sorry, Ferre. He’s calling in, I’ll call you later.” Enjolras’s heart was beating fast, glad that Grantaire changed his mind. He switched to the other call. “Grantaire?”

“I’m done.” 

“…done?” Enjolras’s felt that pain again. “Done… with smoking?” he asked hopefully.

“Enjolras. I’m saying I’m _done._ With you and your deal. I’m calling to tell you I’m going to the store right now and buying cigarettes and I don’t care about your damn virginity.”

Enjolras was speechless, his mouth open. “What happened? Something happened. What was it?”

“Yea. You’re right Something did happen. And I’m unhappy. And I’m stressed. And I’m mad. And I don’t want your leash around my neck telling me I can’t do what I want to do to relax.”

“Grantaire…” Enjolras’s heart was racing, and he whipped off his robe, looking for clothes to put on one-handed while he held the phone. “Grantaire, no. Please. Are you at home?”

“About to not be.”

“Stay. Sit down and don’t move. I’ll be right there. Do you need me to stay on the phone?”

“No,” he growled, and hung up. 

Enjolras wasn’t sure what part of his words Grantaire was saying no to. He managed to get dressed, and shoved on his sneakers and jacket. He ran from his apartment, knowing he had a good mile to go before he reached Grantaire’s. It was cold outside but he was sweating by the time he reached Grantaire’s apartment building. He slipped in through the door and stopped in the lobby, seeing Grantaire coming down the stairs. He had just made it, and Enjolras wondered if Grantaire had meant to wait for him. 

Grantaire looked at him with sad eyes, but then his brows drew down in annoyance. “I told you I’m going out.”

“Grantaire, don’t,” Enjolras begged, going to meet him on the stairs. “Please. Stay with me, I can make you feel better.”

“No.” He continued down the stairs. “Half the time you make me feel worse.”

“Please.”

“Here.” Grantaire threw his keys over his shoulder. They landed on the stairs with a tiny metal clink. “You can stay here and wait for me. Maybe we can share one again.” 

Enjolras picked up the keys. “Grantaire…” he moaned. He ran after him, tugging on his arm. “Come back upstairs. I’ll…I’ll suck your cock, how’s that? Right now.”

Grantaire stopped and looked at him, horrified. “After you told me how disgusting my cum must be yesterday? No thanks.”

“I-I’m sure it’s fine now.”

“Fuck off,” Grantaire pushed him away and walked to the front door. 

“You called me because you wanted me to come. You wanted me to stop you.”

“I called to tell you I’m not going to let you control me anymore and I want out.”

A girl walked out on the second floor landing. “Hi, can you please not do that in here?” she called down.

Enjolras looked up and turned red, not having realized their voices were echoing in the lobby. When he turned back, Grantaire was already gone. Enjolras ran out the front, catching him on the steps. He ran out in front of him and blocked the way, shoving him back. “What happened, Grantaire? Tell me what happened!”

Grantaire seethed at him, then took an envelope out of his pocket, flicking it at Enjolras’s chest. “My grades came in the mail today.”

“And?” Enjolras scrambled to catch the envelope. He took out the letter, and saw that Grantaire had failed his fourth-year painting class. 

“You see that? That’s required for my major. I had to pass that before I can continue to spring semester courses. They don’t offer that again til next fall so I have to wait, and I have to spend an entire year extra at college, and I can’t graduate this spring. And I’m going to have to call my parents and tell them that. And then I have to somehow cough up the tuition in the fall to take that same god damn course again, instead of finding a job like everyone else in my class will be doing.”

“Grantaire…” Enjolras didn’t know what to say. “You…you have to call the school…”

“Why bother, it’s done.” Grantaire pushed past him, heading down the steps.

Enjolras held the envelope in his hands, shaking a little. “Grantaire, what happened this morning then? Before this?”

“Oh, that?” Grantaire turned to look over his shoulder. “I realized last night you’re a pretty shitty person.”

“Grantaire,” Enjolras felt limp. 

“So after the mail came I decided I can’t deal with any of this.”

“What did I do?” Enjolras whimpered.

“This whole thing! You _know_ I want you!” Grantaire shouted, turning on him and pointing his finger accusingly. “You _know_ that and you hold it in front of my face saying I can’t have you if I don’t do things a certain way. _Your_ way.”

“That’s not…it’s…I was saying you _can_ have me if you would just-”

“And that’s another thing. You were never gonna let me have you.”

“I-I was…I am.”

“No, you know why? Because you _love_ watching me beg for you. You love looking down on me.” 

Enjolras was looking down on him now, standing on the step while Grantaire was below on the sidewalk, glaring up. 

Grantaire continued, his eyes filled with rage. “You love feeling superior. Morally superior, thinking you’re fixing me and rewarding me and treating me like I’m your pet, and threatening that I was gonna lose any chance with you if I didn’t do what you said. You love controlling me. You would never give that up. And you told me last night you would have been jealous of anyone else being with me even before this started. You know why that is? Because that would take the attention off of you. _That_ is why you don’t like me smoking. Not because you care about whether I get cancer and die, but because I wasn’t staying inside listening to your garbage. Because everything needs to be about you. You _love_ that I’m in love with you, and that I need you, but you wouldn’t stoop to date dirty, gross Grantaire. You wouldn’t even offer that. You just want alllll that attention from me, begging for your help and your body, and you laugh at me. It makes you feel so _proud_ , doesn’t it?”

Enjolras had hot tears pricking at his eyes. “I _care_ if you get cancer and die, Grantaire,” he croaked from his dry throat.

“Yes, because I wouldn’t be there to writhe beneath you anymore. Wouldn’t that be a shame?”

“It’s not like that…” Tears were streaming down Enjolras’s face and he took a step down. “I want to help you Grantaire.”

“Help me do what? I didn’t ask for you to fix me. Why don’t we fix you instead, wouldn’t that be fun? How about I’ll fuck you if you stop being an arrogant, manipulative bastard?”

“Gran-”

“No, don’t you say a word!” Grantaire shouted. “That’s against the rules! And if you feel the urge to open your mouth, let me know and I’ll let you suck my disgusting cock.” 

Enjolras was trembling as he watched Grantaire turn and walk away. Then he lunged forward and ran after him. When he reached him, he shoved his hand in the back pocket of Grantaire’s jeans, snatched out his wallet, and then turned immediately and fled. Grantaire spun around with a shout. “ENJOLRAS!” He sprinted after him, cursing.

Enjolras raced up the steps and flew through the door of the apartment building with Grantaire on his heels. He took the stairs two, three steps at a time, while Grantaire thundered up the steps behind him. “ENJOLRAS, GET BACK HERE!” he shouted again. Enjolras heard doors opening, tenants coming out to see what the commotion was. They continued up the flights of stairs, around and around. But Enjolras was faster than Grantaire, and he heard him slowing up a little, panting. “Enjolras…” he growled from below. 

Enjolras made it to Grantaire’s door and with the keys still in hand, he fumbled for the right one. The first two didn’t fit in the door, and Grantaire was nearly upon him, reaching out to grab his hair, when the third key worked and he slipped inside the apartment. He left the keys in the door and ran for the bathroom, closing himself inside and locking the door.

He heard Grantaire ripping the keys from the lock and the apartment door slam. “Get out here and give it back, you little shit!” he shouted, his voice full of venom, banging on the door. “Right now! I swear to god, I’m going to break this door if you don’t. Think you can keep controlling me!?”

Enjolras clutched the captive wallet in his hand, and the letter crumpled up in his other. “I’m going to make everything better,” he called, his back against the door, his body vibrating every time Grantaire pounded on the door.

“You have to come out sometime, this is MY place.”

“Be quiet, Grantaire,” Enjolras snapped, opening Grantaire’s wallet. He found his driver’s license, the photo taken a few years ago. He looked happier, and it made Enjolras hurt to look at it. Underneath that, a student ID. He slipped it out. He took the letter back out of the envelope, and found a number for the school on the footer of the page. 

Grantaire was still pawing at the door when Enjolras dialed the number. “Hi, can you transfer me to the Fine Arts department?” he asked when the call went through.

“Enjolras?” Grantaire asked, his tone changing. He stopped trying to get in.

“I’d like to speak to the director, please, it’s important.” Enjolras continued when a new person picked up the line. 

“Enjolras, what are you doing…”

“My ID number? It’s um…” He inspected Grantaire’s ID and read off the number. “Yes, that’s right,” he confirmed when she asked him if he was Grantaire. “Thank you.” He was told the director was on the phone with someone else, but he volunteered to wait on the line until the director was ready. 

Grantaire was quiet on the other side. Enjolras slowly turned and unlocked the door. He cautiously opened it a crack, afraid that Grantaire was going to lunge in. Instead he was standing there looking haggard and confused, his eyes wide. Enjolras opened the door further. “I’m on hold so you better tell me as quickly as possible why you failed this course so I can get you out of this. I _know_ you’re a good artist,” he said, his eyes fixed on Grantaire.

Grantaire opened his mouth several times in stunned silence, before managing to speak, his words coming out in a panic. “I-I-I was late, I was late five times, it counts as an absence because you’re not there for roll call. I did the work, I went to every class, the teacher liked my paintings, but four or more absences, even as a late is an auto-fail and I didn’t know…I didn’t know they would really do that.” Grantaire tugged at his dark curls, shaking his head. “It was a morning class and with my sleeping problems it was hard for me to get there on time…I…it wasn’t even bad, fifteen minutes at the most each time…” 

Enjolras nodded and put his finger to his lips as the director picked up. “Hello, yes. Yes ma’am, I’m calling in regards to my grades for fall semester and my ability move forward and graduate this spring.” Grantaire was hovering, and Enjolras snapped his fingers and pointed to the bed. Grantaire submissively slunk to the bed and lay down on it, looking terrified. 

Enjolras came over and sat down on the bed beside him. “Yes. Yes, I’m aware. I need you to understand, however this was not a matter of performance. This has to do with the department’s late policy. Yes, five. I know that. This was a morning class. Was the teacher aware I have a medical condition that affects my sleeping patterns?”

Grantaire nodded grimly. “I told him…” he whispered.

“The school should be aware,” Enjolras corrected himself. “Yes I did the work, and I was present at every class. The teacher was very satisfied with my work. Yes, ma’am. My grades?” He asked, looking over at Grantaire and raising an eyebrow. “For the projects this semester I received…” He paused to read Grantaire’s hand signals. “…Four A’s…. and two B’s. On my paintings for the class. Yes. My skills should be more than adequate for the requirements of the following course. I highly apologize for my tardiness, but I do not believe I should be held back a year on that account. I have been an excellent student otherwise and I ask for your consideration on the matter. If it would help, I can write a letter of- yes. Yes ma’am, I will.”

He lay down beside Grantaire, adjusting the phone idly in his hand. 

“What’s going on?” Grantaire asked in a small voice.

“I’m on hold again. She’s going to go discuss this with someone, review your performance.”

Grantaire put his arm around Enjolras’s waist and curled up around him, shaking. Enjolras put his hand in Grantaire’s hair, stroking him. “Let’s just wait,” he whispered. Grantaire made a soft noise and squeezed his waist.

Enjolras was put on hold for twenty long minutes before she came back. “Oh…. Oh, yes. Yes ma’am. Absolutely. Yes. I’ll keep an eye out for it. Will the system reflect that now?” 

Enjolras covered the phone and hissed “check, check!” to Grantaire.

Grantaire struggled to get his phone out of his pocket and log in to his student account from it, typing quickly. 

“Yes…” Enjolras said into the phone, eyeing Grantaire. Suddenly he saw Grantaire nodding eagerly. “Thank you,” Enjolras said to the director. “Thank you so, so much. I’m very, very grateful. Thank you. I will. I will, I promise. Have a good day.” He hung up, heaving a huge sigh. “They’re sending you a revised grade report in the mail. She said you better come to class on time this semester.”

“Thank you,” Grantaire said, rolling over and kissing him like an excitable puppy. “Thank you, thank you.”

“Better?” Enjolras asked, feeling exhausted. 

“Yes, yes yes. I can graduate on time. Yes.” He nosed him, trying to spread his excitement onto Enjolras. “When you said you were gonna make it better, I didn’t know you were gonna do _that_. Such a talented tongue,” he grinned, pinching Enjolras’s face.

“Grantaire,” Enjolras said, remaining still while Grantaire petted his hair. “We need to talk. About what happened outside.”

He felt Grantaire’s fingers suddenly tense in his hair. “Yes. You’re right.” 

“Do you need to go to the store?” Enjolras asked. It wasn’t a loaded question, he asked it genuinely.

“No,” Grantaire replied. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I can be calm now.” Grantaire took his hand away and tucked it against his chest, as he lay with his head on a pillow, staring attentively at Enjolras.

“Do you really think those things you said about me?”

“Some of those things. Maybe all of those things but I can’t remember everything I said.”

“I’m very sorry, Grantaire. I didn’t realize what I was doing to you, how I was making you feel. I should never have forced you into this.”

Grantaire nodded, agreeing. 

Enjolras sighed. “I asked for respect but I wasn’t respecting you. I wish I could take that back. I’m not good at...feelings.”

“Terrible,” Grantaire agreed. “You’re very good at being loud, though.”

Enjolras raised his eyebrows, looking down at the sheets. “That’s what I do.”

“You’re wonderful, wonderful at that, yes you are.” Grantaire took his face in hand again as if he was talking to a beloved pet. “You yell at people like it’s your job.”

“You did a pretty good job of that today, too.” 

Grantaire relaxed and let him go. “I made you cry. I’ve never seen you cry before.”

“It’s ugly.”

Grantaire frowned thoughtfully and nodded. “I didn’t mean to explode on you.”

“I didn’t mean to make you feel those things.”

“You could have gone about it better. If you really did want me to quit for you, you could have come up to me and said ‘hey I’m interested in you but there’s one thing holding me back, is this something you’d consider’ and then I might say ‘okay let me think about it and get back to you.’ But you didn’t. You forced me without really asking. You put on this incredible display of superiority which, in my opinion was very well performed, but not the way I’d like to be treated.”

Enjolras looked away guiltily. “I…I couldn’t have done it your way though. Because I didn’t…I didn’t feel like that. Before. All I knew is that you rubbed me the wrong way and I didn’t know why. I guess I didn’t realize it was because… I wanted your attention.” 

“You already had it. And you had a funny way of going about things.” Grantaire sat up, looking down on him, shaking his head. “I mean, I guess I’m glad you did it, because I don’t think we’d be here right now, with you saving my ass like that, if you hadn’t set this whole thing up, but…it was messed up. Offering yourself like a prize.” 

“I would have done it, though. You said I never would have given that up to you but I…I would.” Enjolras said, his voice so small. 

“Mm.” Grantaire reached forward and started pulling up Enjolras’s t-shirt, lifting it up over his head and tossing it away. Enjolras remained limp like a doll, letting him do so. “Another thing. The whole ‘you're such a good boy’ thing, I mean that’s fine if that’s how you talk in bed, I can roll with that, but don’t say it because you think you’re better than me.” He was unhooking Enjolras’s belt.

“I don’t think I’m better than you, Grantaire,” he said staring up at him. 

“Not now, maybe. You did before.”

Enjolras said nothing as Grantaire unfastened his pants and pulled them down, boxers and all. They were tossed aside, and Grantaire sat there on the bed, fully-clothed, looking down at naked Enjolras with a soft smirk, daring him to tell him he was wrong.

“I could never make an A on a painting,” Enjolras said softly. 

“I’m sure you couldn’t.” Grantaire stood up and went to the bathroom. When he came back he was tucking his wallet in his pocket and putting a bottle of lubricant determinedly on the nightstand.

Enjolras swallowed. “I think it’s about time I ask what you’re doing, Grantaire.”

Grantaire got up on the bed and climbed over Enjolras, straddling him and sitting down on his belly. “I have a new proposal for you.”

Enjolras nodded with wide eyes. “Okay.”

“I’m going to go ahead and quit. Not because you’re holding anything over my head, but because, fuck it, I’m _proud_ of myself for not doing so for almost a week. Good for me. So I should just keep going, why not? If I can get through what just happened, then the rest might not be so difficult. And then next time, when you fucking steal my wallet and run off, I’ll be able to catch you, you little fucker…. And maybe I like the fact that the food tasted better last night. And hey, maybe I want it to taste good for you when I come in your mouth, and I want to hear you beg for it again.” 

Enjolras said nothing, but his eyes never left Grantaire’s, his lips parting in shock. 

“You’re going to be supportive of me, and you’re not going to laugh at me, and you’re going to stop pretending like there needs to be some date in the future when it’s okay to be with me. And you’re going to make it up to me. You’re going to apologize by letting me take you on a date. Dinner. Tomorrow. “

“Okay,” Enjolras said meekly, nodding.

“I’m going to ask you plainly. Do you want to be with me?”

“…I do” Enjolras answered, his eyes still wide and round. 

“Good. And I’m going to let you know anytime you say something completely arrogant, so I can help you keep it in check.”

“Okay.” 

“You help me, I help you.”

“Okay.”

Grantaire nodded. “Good.”

“Are we having sex now?” Enjolras asked, swallowing hard.

Grantaire gave a curt nod. “No.”

Enjolras’s eyes darted to the lubricant.

“I’m not going to fuck you right now. Not just yet.” Grantaire dismounted him and grabbed for the small bottle, moving in front of Enjolras to sit between his legs. “But. I know yesterday you expressed that you were nervous about my cock. I assume that was the truth.”

“It’s big, yes…” Enjolras said, watching Grantaire warily.

“I want to show you what it might feel like, if you’ll allow me. So you don’t have to be fearful.”

Enjolras’s heart was pounding already, powerless and naked while Grantaire was not. “Show me?”

“Is that a question or an order?”

Enjolras took a breath, forcing himself to calm. He did want to be with Grantaire. He liked being sexual with him last night, to touch him and watch him, and he knew that Grantaire wanted to do the same to him. To have control over Enjolras, as he had over Grantaire. Enjolras realized he was willing to allow him that, especially if it really would ease his nerves about what would come later. “Show me.” 

Grantaire smiled. “I will.” He put his hand gently down on Enjolras’s belly and started stroking him softly. Enjolras’s stomach muscles naturally tensed. “It’s alright,” Grantaire said. “I know you’re not used to being touched like this. I want you to just relax.” His hand rhythmically caressed his belly, his other hand resting on Enjolras’s thigh. 

“It’s um…” Enjolras swallowed, closing his eyes. “It’s kind of hard to think about relaxing after all of that yelling and chasing and…” He took another deep breath, liking the feeling of Grantaire’s hand. It was warm on his skin, his fingertips a bit rough to the touch. 

“I know, it’s done though.”

“Is that how we’re going to be? We’ve fought two, maybe three days this week.”

“That’s because we weren’t understanding each other. I think we’re gonna be fine now,” Grantaire said, his voice low and soothing.

Enjolras nodded, and suddenly he tensed as the hand moved lower, a moan escaping his throat on accident as Grantaire’s fingers brushed across his lower belly. His eyes fluttered open to look at Grantaire, his cheeks turning red.

“Ohhh,” Grantaire said, grinning. “Does he like that?”

Enjolras grunted and closed his eyes again, turning redder as he felt himself starting to get aroused. “I thought you were going to show me…”

“Yes, yes. You just have to be relaxed first. I’m getting you used to my hands. How does it feel?”

Enjolras could feel Grantaire stroking gently through the light trail of hair toward the base of his cock. “It’s…”

“Good, I imagine. You’re hard.” 

“I know that,” Enjolras started to growl, but then he felt Grantaire’s hand close around his shaft and his words dissolved into a whimper. 

“That’s right,” Grantaire said, a glimmer of delight in his voice. “I love seeing you like this.” He was echoing Enjolras’s words from last night, and Enjolras was sure if he opened his eyes he would see that smirk.

Enjolras shivered as Grantaire’s fingers traced the length of his cock, his toes curling. “Grantaire…” 

“I’m right here. Scoot up for me.” 

Enjolras obliged and pushed back, laying down among the pillows, and Grantaire came forward with him and settled on his stomach between Enjolras’s legs. “Are you doing okay?” he asked softly, his breath tickling Enjolras’s inner thigh.

“Yes,” he said, biting his lip and looking up at the ceiling. “I-“ He gasped as suddenly he felt Grantaire’s mouth close around the tip of his cock. “Gran-t-taire…” His fingers dug into the sheets, and he lifted his head up to watch. He saw Grantaire looking up at him, his tongue lapping playfully at the head. Enjolras shuddered and reached for Grantaire’s curls, burying his fingers in his hair. 

“Lay back,” Grantaire reminded him, his breath warm on the wet tip of Enjolras’s cock. 

He did as he was told, lying his head back down on the pillow, closing his eyes. 

“There we go. Okay…” Grantaire soothed. Enjolras could hear him opening up the little bottle. “I’m gonna go slow,” he promised. “And you’ll tell me if you’re doing alright.”

Enjolras nodded, wanting Grantaire’s mouth over his cock again but not wanting to interrupt. He suddenly felt Grantaire’s slick finger against his entrance, and he tensed a little. 

“No, no…” Grantaire whispered. “Relax…you’re fine…” He stroked him with his finger, trying to get him used to the touch. 

Enjolras took a breath and let out a soft noise, relaxing against Grantaire’s finger as he pushed it slowly inside. 

Grantaire stopped for a moment, once his finger was buried within. “You know, a week ago…I would never have thought-”

“Don’t say it,” Enjolras growled a little. “What, that you’d have your hand up my ass?”

Grantaire laughed. “I was going to put it a little nicer than that.”

Enjolras huffed out a breath, but suddenly his eyes were rolling back as he felt Grantaire massaging him inside. 

“You can let down your guard a little,” Grantaire said, turning his head and kissing Enjolras’s inner thigh. “It’s okay to let me have control for a bit.” 

“I..I know.”

“Is it alright? Do you feel okay?”

Enjolras panted softly as he felt Grantaire’s finger moving inside him steadily. “Yes.”

“Alright then.” Grantaire slowly pulled his finger back, and when he pushed it back in a second finger went inside as well. 

Enjolras cried out, pushing his hips down on Grantaire’s fingers.

“You alright, hon?” Grantaire asked quickly.

“Yea…yea, can you…can you…” Enjolras ran his hand down his belly, wanting to reach for his own cock but ashamed to do so in front of Grantaire.

“Oh, yes… yes... Sorry, I was just watching to make sure you were okay first.” 

He felt Grantaire’s other hand close around the base of his shaft and again that warm mouth surrounding his cock. Grantaire was still slowly thrusting his fingers inside him, and Enjolras was overwhelmed at the sensations. He was arching against the sheets, his hair spread wildly about him on the pillow. “Taire…taire…” he moaned pathetically.

“Mmm?” Grantaire’s mouth vibrated around Enjolras’s cock as he made the sound.

Enjolras felt himself losing all control, and his eyes grew wide as he felt a third finger slip inside him. He felt himself pulsing inside Grantaire mouth, and he thrust his hips, wanting more. “Please…” he begged in a rough voice.

Grantaire fingers pushed inside him again and again, his pace increasing, and sucked eagerly on his cock. Enjolras was bucking and crying out, completely lost to sensation, until finally he came in Grantaire’s mouth. “Oh…ohhhh!” His body was contracting around Grantaire’s fingers, and he felt pleasure radiating throughout his body. He collapsed, panting and whimpering against the pillows.

Grantaire slowly, carefully withdrew his fingers and raised his head, licking his lips. “Oh wow,” he said

“Hmm?” Enjolras looked up at him with tired eyes.

“That was torture.”

“For…for you?”

“Oh yes, you have no idea how badly I wanted to rip these pants off and get in you.”

Enjolras let out a panting laugh, turning red, his cheeks hot. 

“Was it good? Are you alright?”

Enjolras nodded breathlessly.

“Are you afraid anymore?”

He shook his head with a faint smile.

“Wonderful. Just a moment.” Grantaire got up and Enjolras heard him washing his hands. He returned and lay down beside Enjolras, pulling him into his arms.

“I…I suppose I could do something for you, too. If you wanted,” Enjolras said shyly.

“Nah, look at the time.”

Enjolras turned his head and saw the clock. He had forgotten about the meeting. “Oh no!” He tried to sit up, and suddenly he was dizzy.

“No, no.” Grantaire pushed him back down gently. “Just rest a moment, then we’ll go.”

“I’ll have to get dressed.”

“Oh, surely.” 

Enjolras laughed at Grantaire’s tone. “Yes. Mmm. So…so a date tomorrow?”

“Yes. We’ll go somewhere nice. I want to see you dressed fancy.”

“And after?”

“And after…we’ll come back here..”

“And?”

“And then?” Grantaire smirked. “Then…we’ll play video games.”

Enjolras laughed. “What? But what about-”

“Oh, that’s the other part of my proposal. I’ll tell you about it on the way to the café.” 

Enjolras walked into the Musain nearly leaning on Grantaire for support, his ass terribly sore. “Don’t forget to say it,” Grantaire whispered in his ear.

“How could I not?” Enjolras sighed, rolling his eyes as Grantaire took a seat. 

Combeferre looked up when Enjolras limped over. “What happened to you?” he asked.

“My ass hurts like hell,” he hissed under his breath.

“What, why?” 

Enjolras’s eyes flicked briefly over to Grantaire. 

“What, him?” It took a second before Combeferre’s eyes grew wide. “Oh my god really?”

“Basically,” Enjolras muttered flatly. 

“So it’s a thing now?”

“We have a date tomorrow.” 

Combeferre slowly grinned. “Aw, Enj, I’m so proud of you.” 

Enjolras rolled his eyes.

“What are we talking about?” Courfeyrac asked, butting in.

“Nothing, let’s just get started.” 

“Right.” 

“I have to say something first,” Enjolras said, heaving a sigh.

“Sure, Enj,” Combeferre said. “Go ahead.”

“Hey, everyone,” Enjolras waved his hand a little, calling the boys to attention. “Um…” he stood there for a moment, with all eyes on him, wondering if they all could tell simply by looking at him what he had just done with Grantaire. He was turning red just thinking about it, his ass aching a little as a reminder. He looked to Grantaire and saw him eagerly awaiting his words.

“…We’re going camping,” he said, resigned.

“What, we are?” Combeferre asked, turning to him.

“This weekend,” he sighed.

“Yayyyy!” Grantaire cried, applauding from his chair in the back. 

\--

“Who goes camping in January?” Enjolras grumbled, his chin hidden in his jacket.

“People who dress appropriately,” Grantaire said affectionately, arranging Enjolras’s black scarf and tucking it in. “People who enjoy nature.”

“Well I can tell _you’re_ enjoying yourself.”

“Course I am. It’s great. The weather’s clear, no bugs, snow on the mountains. Isn’t it pretty?” Grantaire shook him a little.

The sun had just set, but the mountains were still rimmed with a tiny glow of light. “…Yes” Enjolras admitted. 

“I like it out here because…I don’t feel stressed. I can breathe easier.”

“Well I’m glad. The same can’t be said for everyone.”

“Ferre….Ferre,” Enjolras heard Courfeyrac saying by the tents. “I can’t get reception. Do you have any?”

“Courf, why do you need reception? All your friends are here,” Combeferre replied with a laugh.

“My sites. I need to check my sites,” he whimpered. “I need updates.”

“It’s only one night, Courf, you’ll survive.” Combeferre patted him on the head.

Enjolras turned back to Grantaire, grinning. He delighted in Courfeyrac’s misery. 

Grantaire nosed him. “So, are you ready? I hope those hot dogs put you in the mood.”

“Oh _ew_ , Grantaire, don’t be gross.” Enjolras smacked him on the shoulder while Grantaire chuckled. 

“Seriously now, though. You don’t have to. I mean, I’m just happy we’re here. Thank you, for arranging this.” Grantaire put his arm around him.

“No, I do want to,” Enjolras said softly. “And this is what you wanted. I want you to be happy.”

“I am.” 

“I don’t mind doing things your way. It’s a little refreshing, I suppose.”

Grantaire grinned and hugged him. “It’ll be nice, I promise.”

“Hey Grantaire!” Bahorel called. “Get over here and have a drink with us!”

Grantaire looked to Enjolras.

“Go, go on.” Enjolras nudged him. “Just not too much, alright?”

“Don’t worry.”

The sky was full of stars when later Enjolras sat by Combeferre close to the fire, roasting marshmallows for s’mores. They were watching Grantaire and a few of the others playing with a glow-in-the-dark frisbee, running around after it. Bossuet tripped over a log, laughing as he tried to grab for it.

“How was the date?” asked Combeferre.

“It was really nice, actually.” Enjolras smiled, thinking back on it.

“What’d you do?”

“Sushi. It’s cute because…I can tell he’s all invigorated, that food tastes better to him now. He wanted to try everything. I chipped in so he wasn’t paying for it all, even though he wanted to.”

“Aww. So you had a good time?”

“Yea, and after…” He laughed, trailing off.

“What?”

“After we played like…a ton of Mariokart.”

“You?” Combeferre laughed. “Really? Who won?”

“Um…” Enjolras stared blankly into the fire. “The game, I guess. We were both terrible. I mean, I’m terrible, and he was kinda drunk, and neither of us could stay on course.”

Combeferre grinned. “Well at least it sounds like you had fun.”

“Mhm.” Enjolras carefully extracted the melting marshmallow off the stick, sandwiching it between the graham crackers and chocolate. 

Grantaire suddenly ran up behind Enjolras, leaning over him. “Gimme gimme!”

“This was not for you,” Enjolras said, sticking his nose up in the air.

“Gimme!” Grantaire piped up insistently, putting his chin down on Enjolras’s shoulder to beg for it. “Please…”

“Oh, ffffine.” Enjolras held it up for him and let Grantaire take the s’more in his mouth. Grantaire scampered off to go play again.

“Someone’s having a good time,” Combeferre laughed, watching him go. “I don’t think I’ve seen him this cheery.” 

“Yea,” Enjolras smiled. “I’m really glad he’s happy. It’s nice to see this side of him.” 

“I’m glad you’ve softened up a bit,” Combeferre pointed out.

Enjolras blushed. “I’m trying.” He fit another marshmallow onto the stick. 

“It’s a good look for you,” Combeferre nudged him. “It suits you.”

“Aw, stop. Don’t tell anyone, I wouldn’t want to ruin my reputation as a cold-hearted bastard,” Enjolras smirked.

“Don’t worry, I’ll let you hold on to that for just a tiny bit longer,” Combeferre grinned back.

When almost everyone had gone to bed, and the only ones left by the fire were Cosette and Marius, Grantaire took Enjolras by the hand and led him to their tent. He had set it up farther away from the others, in an intimate corner under the trees. “You warm enough?”

“Yes,” Enjolras replied, his cheeks all warm from sitting by the fire. “And…and just so you know, this…this isn’t because of the original arrangement. I just…I just want to.”

“I know that. In fact…I could use a smoke, first.” Grantaire reached for his pocket.

“Grantaire…”

Grantaire brought up his hand with nothing in it, putting two fingers to his mouth. When he pulled them away, he breathed out, the air cold enough to make his breath turn to vapor as it came out of his mouth. “Kidding.”

Enjolras sighed in relief, shaking his head at him.

“Here. Share with me.” Grantaire put his fingers to Enjolras’s mouth. Enjolras kissed them gently, and when he took his fingers away, Enjolras exhaled into the cold air as well. Grantaire leaned close to breathe in the vapor, then kissed him, pushing the air back into Enjolras’s mouth. He felt dizzy, holding onto Grantaire’s shoulders.

“Let’s…let’s go inside.”

“Let’s.” Grantaire unzipped the tent and held out his hand for Enjolras to go in. Inside, it was warm and insulated, and Grantaire had lined the entire bottom of the tent with blankets and pillows, making a little nest for them inside. 

Enjolras slipped off his shoes and sat down, starting to undo his jacket and scarf. “It’s nice.” 

Grantaire climbed in and zipped the door shut, removing his outerwear as well. “I wanted you to be comfortable. I know you’re not as crazy about the whole thing as I am.”

“No, I…I like that it’s something you wanted to do with me. Making your fantasies a reality. It’s kind of exciting.”

“We’ll have to be quiet though. Not like the other day when you were making all sorts of noise. Don’t want to wake anyone up.”

Enjolras blushed. “Can’t imagine how many people lose their virginity with their friends within speaking distance.”

“Plenty of people. House parties, dorm rooms…” Grantaire laughed. “Relax. No one’s gonna know.”

“Grantaire, we’re sharing a tent.”

“Okay well,” he grinned. “They won’t know the details.” He put his arms around Enjolras, drawing him close. “Maybe they’ll just think we’re cuddle bunnies.”

“Seeing as we can’t really shower until we go home we’re going to be smelling like sex the whole ride back.”

“Orrrr that.”

“Come to think of it…” Enjolras nostrils flared, sniffing at Grantaire’s neck where his scarf had been. “Did you put something on?” He picked up the faint scent of cologne, something deep and soothing to his senses.

“Just a tiny bit,” Grantaire whispered. “You like?”

“Mhm,” Enjolras rubbed his nose against Grantaire’s neck. 

Grantaire laid him down in the pillows, nuzzling him back. “Sweet little Enj,” he purred. “Never knew you could be this docile.”

“Would you prefer me aggressive?”

“I think we’ve had plenty of that this week,” Grantaire smirked. “I’d like to experience all your many facets.” Grantaire pulled Enjolras’s shirt up and over his head, planting a trail of kisses up his chest and throat. 

Enjolras moaned softly and reached for Grantaire’s shirt too, unbuttoning it and pushing it off his shoulders. “Keep me warm,” he pleaded.

“As my leader commands,” Grantaire whispered, nipping at his ear. His hands trailed down and unfastened Enjolras’s pants, sliding off his clothes and finding Enjolras already hard. Grantaire moved down to bite gently on the sensitive skin of his inner thighs. 

Enjolras couldn’t see in the darkness of their tent, and the touch was unexpected. “Oh! Ohh!” he whimpered, spreading his legs.

“Shh…” laughed Grantaire. “Not that I don’t enjoy the sound. If they ask what the noises are in the morning, I’ll tell them it was just a little wolf howling in the woods,” he said as he wriggled out of his own pants, kicking them aside. He moved to lay down over Enjolras, and Enjolras felt Grantaire’s hard cock pressing against his own as he settled. 

“I love you, Enjolras, you know that?” Grantaire said softly, his fingers trailing down Enjolras’s cheek.

Enjolras smiled. “Yes. But…this time you’re saying it without yelling at me.”

Grantaire huffed softly, smiling back. “Sorry…I didn’t mean that to be the first time you heard that.”

“It’s okay, Grantaire,” he said, leaning up to kiss him. Grantaire purred and suckled on Enjolras’s lip, his hands running down to hike up Enjolras’s thighs. “Did you…did you bring-”

“Course I did.” Grantaire sat up and reached for a pillow, slipping the small bottle from the pillowcase. “I made sure everything would be perfect for you.” 

Enjolras soon felt Grantaire’s fingers pushing into him again, one after the other, slick and smooth, but this time it was easier for him, remembering how he had enjoyed it. He closed his eyes as he felt Grantaire’s other hand stroking his cock. “Mmmm…Taire…”

“Yes, that’s me,” he laughed softly, as Enjolras quivered at his touch. “And my Enj, being such a good boy…” Grantaire continued, echoing Enjolras’s words again. 

Enjolras moaned and pushed against his fingers. “Grantaire,” he pleaded softly. “I’m ready…”

“Alright,” he whispered, pulling his fingers out slowly. Grantaire got up over him, while Enjolras held up his legs, wrapping them around Grantaire’s waist. He gasped as little as he felt that cock pressing up against his entrance, then arched and cried out as Grantaire slid inside him.

“Shhh…shhh…” Grantaire tried to say but they were both laughing a little now as Enjolras recovered, wondering if they had been heard. Grantaire relaxed against him, holding him close, his cock deep inside. “Is it okay?”

“Yea,” Enjolras panted. “Good.”

Grantaire was gentle with him when he started thrusting, giving him attentive little kisses and whispering softly in his ear. He ran his fingers through Enjolras’s hair and down his neck, across his nipples. His fingertips were rough on Enjolras’s soft skin, making him shiver with pleasure. Enjolras felt Grantaire’s belly rubbing against his cock and he needed more. “Grantaire, fuck me,” he pleaded. “Hard.”

“You sure?”

“Yes,” he said breathlessly. 

Grantaire increased his pace and fucked him hard as he asked. He drove his cock into him again and again, holding Enjolras steady beneath him. Enjolras writhed, trying to keep as silent as possible, his breath coming in heavy pants. He buried his hands in Grantaire’s hair, holding on, letting himself be rocked by Grantaire with each thrust. He held him tightly between his legs, needing him, silently begging for him, until he finally came against Grantaire’s belly, feeling the warmth spreading between them. 

Grantaire followed soon after, and he tensed, taking a shuddering breath. Enjolras felt himself being filled as Grantaire came inside of him, and then he collapsed over Enjolras, holding him possessively.

“Still a little aggressive?” Grantaire whispered to him, laughing a little. 

“I couldn’t help it, I wanted you.”

“That’s good to hear. You’re going to be sore tomorrow, though.”

“I’m sore now.”

“Aw, hon.” Grantaire kissed him and sat up after a moment, slowly pulling out of him. He picked up a small towel and cleaned the cum gently from their bodies, before settling down beside him, petting Enjolras’s soft, damp hair. “You okay?”

“I’m just fine,” Enjolras said, snuggling close as Grantaire tucked the blankets around him. “You?”

“Trust me, I’m perfect. Never felt better.”

Enjolras smiled and lay his head on Grantaire’s chest. They were silent for a long moment, entwined together in their nest of pillows. Even though it was cold outside, Enjolras was warm against Grantaire’s body, under the blankets. He was enjoying the sound of his heart, hypnotic in the quiet, before he raised his head. “Grantaire, I…”

Grantaire was sleeping, looking peaceful, having fallen asleep in just a short time, and Enjolras was glad to see him finally resting well. “Grantaire, I’m in love with you, too,” he whispered. “Don’t worry though, I’ll tell you tomorrow.” He kissed him gently and curled up to sleep beside him.


End file.
